im sorry blog i realise i only ever post when im feeling f-ed up. why the hell isit always my fault when things happen? i cant go for supper and hence its my fault. great job. and i didnt even ever say i could make it pls. i said i will CHECK and i did. and if the result is CANNOT den wad u want me to do? i just bloody booked out and wad im supposed to freaking argue like some mad ass the moment i step into my house for my weekend? great way of enjoying my weekend isnt it? everythings just my fault hurh? why can other ppl do normal times like dinner time (REAL DINNER TIMES AT 6 and not 8) and u only can give me wierd timings like SUPPER AT 9??? well i have to stay in so wkdays are impossiblef or me except for fridays. MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY SO MANY DAYS TO TAKE LESSONS U HAVE TO TAKE THEM ON FRIDAY? den its MY FAULT that u cant do normal time and its MY FAUlT AGAIN THAT UR TIMINGS ARE WIERD!? others can go on dates on saturdays from 11 plus but u want me to squeeze everything in freaking four hours from SEVEN PLUS. and the best thing is u say we dont go on proper dates and its MY FAULT THAT I DUN GIVE U PROPER DATES?! come on u dun even GIVE ME THE TIME! so u cant do the normal times, wierd times at night i cant do i ask u for wierd times in the day. and u dont want to wake up. SO ISIT MY FAULT AGAIN? everythings my fault like thanks SO MUCH.

lets make a pact and break up just before we go uni. WTF. do u really like me? or are u just toying with me. just taking me as some leisure entertainment to fill up ur time between now and uni? so wad isit now? a fling huh? u want me to empty my bank accnt and give u a diamond ring. so that u can tell me tt u want to breakup when u go to university? or as u say anytime i want. so anytime is fine wif u lah. u dun give a crap at all do u? its just something else it doesnt matter when its just anytime i want. anytime is okay cos at any single point in time YOU DUN REALLY CARE.

u want things from me. diamond ring. flowers. nice dinners. i try my best to give them to you. but wad? did u really give me? its not like im a very hard guy to please. i was really happy when i got tht third month cap. and that was not even required to make me happy. all i nid sometimes is just a hug from you. a hug like u really mean it. but sometimes u make me feel like a pig trying to hug a muslim. a jew trying to hug a nazi. even that u refuse to give me. and talk about sense of security hurh? ur sense of security comes after i give u diamond rings and flowers. who is going to give me mine? who is going to tell me that this is the girl who i ought to emtpy out my bank account for? and not the one whos going to tell me to breakup just before university!? or ANYTIME for that matter. u dun even want to give me the slightest bit of indication. even the simplest i love you. u refuse to give it to me. yea u didnt lie. u never did cos u never ever told me that u loved me. theres nth for u to lie abt then.

i guess its just my wishful thinking. yea i noe its gg to be hard for us to continue on thru uni anyway. wif both of us in different parts of the world. lets just say u were just being logical then. but love isnt always logical isit? or are u even in love wif me...